Abrasiveness is a rough, harsh quality that wears things down through friction or irritation. Sandpaper has physical abrasiveness: its gritty surface scrapes away wood or rust to make things smoother. Steel wool has abrasiveness that helps scrub stuck-on food from pots and pans.

The word also describes a harsh way of interacting with people. Someone with an abrasive personality might be blunt, impatient, or critical in ways that irritate others, like sandpaper rubbing against skin. An abrasive comment might be technically true but delivered so roughly that it hurts feelings. A classmate might have good ideas but present them with such abrasiveness (interrupting others, dismissing their thoughts, speaking harshly) that people stop wanting to work with them.

Physical abrasiveness is useful: we need sandpaper and scrub brushes. But personal abrasiveness usually pushes people away, even when someone means well. The irony is that sandpaper makes wood smoother by being rough, but abrasiveness in conversation rarely makes anything better.