Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and confidently while still respecting others. When you're assertive, you speak up for yourself without being rude or aggressive, and you stand your ground without trampling on anyone else.

Imagine your friend wants to play soccer at recess, but you'd rather play basketball. An assertive response would be: “I know you want to play soccer, but I've been looking forward to basketball all day. How about we play basketball today and soccer tomorrow?” You've stated your preference clearly without attacking your friend or just giving in.

Assertiveness sits between two extremes. On one side is passiveness, where you always go along with what others want, even when it bothers you. On the other side is aggressiveness, where you bulldoze over others' feelings to get your way. Assertiveness is the balanced middle: you matter, and so do they.

Being assertive takes practice. It means making eye contact, using a calm and steady voice, and choosing your words carefully. When someone cuts in front of you in line, an assertive person might say, “Excuse me, I was here first,” rather than either staying silent or shouting angrily.

People who develop assertiveness often find that others respect them more. They're not pushovers, but they're not bullies either. They've learned that you can be kind and strong at the same time.