A backhanded compliment sounds like praise but actually includes an insult or criticism. When someone tells you, “You're pretty smart for someone who doesn't study much,” they seem to be complimenting your intelligence, but they're also suggesting you're lazy. That's backhanded. Or imagine a classmate saying, “Your presentation was surprisingly good!” The word surprisingly implies they expected it to be bad.

These comments sting because they're sneaky. The speaker can always claim they were “just being nice” if you object, even though the insult was clearly there. Someone might say, “I love how you don't care what people think about your clothes,” while actually criticizing your fashion choices, or “You're so brave to sing in front of everyone,” while implying you don't sing well.

The term comes from tennis, where a backhand shot uses the back of your hand rather than your palm. A backhanded compliment similarly comes at you from an unexpected, awkward angle. Not every critical comment is backhanded, though. Direct criticism (“Your room is messy”) is just honest feedback. A backhanded compliment pretends to be praise while delivering the opposite message.